Journey to Healthy: Food is Comfort

 

 

[Please note this berries n' cream gelato and heart and pac man pizza are not endorsed by Journey to Healthy. They are here to help illustrate a point. Thank you and goodnight. Just kidding about that last sentence you should keep reading.]

 

Comfort food has its name for a reason you know.

Another thing I have discovered while working to get to the roots of my issues with food is that to me, food is comfort.

I am, in many ways, the definition of a goody-two-shoes. I have never once been drunk, and never done drugs. My idea of a good time is generally playing a board game with friends, or going to a concert and staying completely sober so I get the full experience and don’t forget a single thing, or having a little heart-to-heart conversation, or reading a book about Betty White and then turning out the lights at 9:15. I can’t help it. Baby, I was born this way.

My point: food has been my comfort. It has been my way to rebel. My way to de-stress. My coping mechanism. I turned to the comfort of unhealthy food in excess so that I would feel better. For a moment, while I was chowing down super fast, I wouldn’t feel anything. I would numb out. And everything would feel ok. I was comforted. 2 minutes later I would regret my choice and tell myself that I would start eating healthy tomorrow.

It was a horrible cycle for me. It felt like I wouldn’t be ok, I wouldn’t be comfortable unless I binged on unhealthy food. I hated the habit, and I hated myself for doing it. But I wanted that comfort. I craved it. And I didn’t know how else to find it.

I was, far underneath the surface, telling myself that there was no other way that I could be comforted, no other way I could be safe and make it through the day. I needed to overeat.

On my journey to healthy I am realizing that food cannot be my comfort. This is one of the very hardest things for me to work through. Because when I’m having a bad moment, or a bad day, I want that comfort of food. I really do still want it sometimes. And I just have to keep working through that.

Food cannot be what I turn to for strength. Food is also not the enemy, healthy food is important. It is fuel for my body. A necessity yes, but not an obsession. I am working on retraining my mind to believe this. I am working on believing more and more that my comfort is in Christ and love.

Because I have decided that food cannot be my comforter anymore.

- – -Journey to Healthy is a series that chronicles my steps toward fitness, weight loss, and health. This journey is a tough and beautiful one. And I share about it here several times a week.