“She may have marked me down because she’s a little racist” my friend* told me.
I looked at her to see if she was being serious. She stared at me stone cold.
“You really think that she gave you a lower grade than me because you’re black?” I asked.
“Amanda, you have no idea. She’s a white lady in her 60′s. I’m just saying it happens.” she said.
I had to let this rattle around in my heart and brain a little bit. This woman is my teaching partner this semester. And she’s quickly become one of my favorite people on the planet. I genuinely respect her, and learn a lot from her teaching.
We pored over our grades together. She had been marked down for things that I just didn’t understand. There was no reason for it. And I’m not just saying that because she’s my friend, I’m saying it because she’s an incredible teacher and her lessons were amazing.
We had a long conversation about racism in the U.S. today. She told me about how she feels she has to work harder to prove herself. She told me about how she’s felt judged by some of our white professors. And she looked around the Starbucks we were in and pointed out the white woman who was staring at us suspiciously. She mentioned that she doesn’t think people do it intentionally most of the time, it’s a subconscious thing that we become accustomed to. She said it’s normally nut huge things, just little things that add up, and people don’t even know they’re doing it. She said it’s just the way it is and she’s happy to work harder in order to be successful. She wasn’t complaining, she was just telling me how it is for her. I hadn’t noticed any of the things she told me about. But when she brought them up and explained them, it unfortunately made a lot of sense. And I realized that I had seen this happen in many different ways, with numerous people.
I got really angry. This past week I’ve been walking around so disappointed. Because this is 2012. And we were supposed to have come farther than this.
The idea that everyone is created equal in the new millennium America is a lie. Not only that, but the white culture that I belong to is pervasively more full of subconscious racism than I thought.
I’m not talking about overt racism that does still exist. The kind where people kill a black or latino person just because of the way they look. The kind where people won’t serve people of color in a restaurant.
I’m talking about the subconscious stuff. The stuff that makes us judge and stereotype someone before we know them, or even after we get to know them. I’m talking about the tiny things we do because of stereotypical norms. Little things like thinking a black person is lazy, or thinking Latino kids won’t perform as well in school. Little things that don’t make us ignore people, but they change how we interact. We don’t even realize we’re doing it, but we do. It doesn’t feel like it’s racist, but it motivates our actions, if even just a little.
I don’t think my professor is actually racist. But I do think she is operating under the subconscious understanding of some stereotypes. She doesn’t dislike her, but she has her in a box in a certain way.
It happens because we all have an understanding of the world. It’s how we make sense of things.
But it’s not ok.
We have to catch ourselves and we have to stop.
Here’s what I think we need to do:
1. We need to stop acting like everyone is the same. Because we’re not. We come from different cultures and backgrounds. We don’t need to be the same. But we need to work harder to understand each other. Not change one another, but form deeper bonds of appreciation for differences. We need to talk about each other’s cultures. Because when we act like we’re all the same we neglect to acknowledge the power of our differences. And then we silence each other without even realizing it.
2. We need to stop assuming that “white America” is the best or only America. We are not the predominant culture anymore. It may look that way in the media, but in reality it isn’t true anymore. There’s a lot of culture outside our own. We need to accept this and find ways to function better alongside each other.
3. We need to catch ourselves and realize when we’re stereotyping. When we think something about a person of color we need to actually stop and ask ourselves if we’re operating under the assumptions of stereotypes. We need to be mindful. And change how we think.
These points of action are for myself too. Because I stereotype people as well. And it’s not right.
My friend told me that she thinks things will always be this way, and that she’s ok with it because you just have to make the best of things. This is one way that I disagree with her. I think change is always possible. It starts with the smallest things. Like writing a blog post addressed to myself and my readers, and hoping we can take this seriously. And talking about it with the people around me so we get serious about it.
As a white woman, I know that I cannot fully understand what it’s like to be on the receiving end of racism and stereotyping. But I believe in the power of being an ally, and changing what you can.
Change is possible. It always has been and it always will be.
So let’s do this.
*Name omitted on purpose.
